Full House Michelle Rides Again 1 Part 2
Pre-Credits Gag: Last week's episode is recapped. The most important thing to recall is that Michelle got hurt, and it was awesome.
At the hospital, the dads all gather around Michelle, who, tragically, is not dead. She's unable to identify Danny and so the doctor takes the dads bated and explains that she's experiencing memory loss, which, according to him, is very common with head injuries. I guess that'due south true if you're a md on tv. He tells them that an injured person's memory ordinarily returns in these cases and that the best affair to do would be to accept her home and surround her with familiar things.
Stephanie'due south acting partner comes over to the full firm to rehearse their scene from Romeo and Juliet. He talks to her about Michelle for a minute, because everything has to always be almost Michelle all the fourth dimension, so they concur to rehearse the scene. He immediately starts smoochin' on her and she's like, "whaaaaaaaat?" and he explains that Michelle blurting out that Stephanie has a beat out on him last episode gave him the backbone to kiss her, which he'd been avoiding before because he was too big of a pussy, and so they starting time making out in the kitchen until DJ comes in and interrupts them.
As long as DJ's at that place to salt Stephanie's game, there may too exist more than people, too, so Kimmie Gibbler comes in with Dwayne. Ooh! I wonder if he's gonna say, "whatever"??? Practice you lot call back he volition?!!?
Stephanie's scene partner tells Dwayne that information technology's overnice to meet him and he replies, "whatever." Yep! He said it! I really wasn't sure if he was going to! Best catch phrase ever! It makes "accept mercy" seem like a big slice of shit!
Kimmie Gibbler tells DJ that Dwayne'south cousin has agreed to go to the prom with her but DJ says that, as great is it is to become with her friend's dipshit boyfriend's cousin who she's never met because she tin't find a appointment, she doesn't think she's going to be attending the prom because she'south also worried about Michelle. Kimmie Gibbler says that Dwayne's cousin is willing to wait on the sidelines so she tin change her mind later if she wants. Wow, this guy sounds like a real catch!
Stephanie tells everyone to shut the fuck up and get out because she's trying to rehearse a Shakespearen scene and so Kimmie Gibbler points out that Dwayne is a Shakespeare enthusiast. Everyone'southward like, "for reals?" and then Dwayne launches into a lengthy Shakespearean rendition.
I have to give them credit here. This was really a halfway decent bit. As well as I can recall, Dwayne was only in iii or 4 episodes and they got near as much out of that "any" schtick equally they could, but bringing it to a conclusion similar this was really not bad. It's not equally built upwards or unexpected as when Darryl and Darryl yelled, "quiet!" in the Newhart finale, merely, for Full Business firm, information technology was a pretty impressive move. File that under moments that actually weren't that terrible in your Full House scrapbook. I oasis't kept rail very well but I'd say there was a full of nearly 5 of them throughout the entire series.
Michelle comes home from the hospital and everyone is quite concerned about her amnesia. And so, is information technology fair to say that they saved the accented worst premise for last? I mean, amnesia? Actually? Even for this show, that seems pretty far-fetched and ridiculous. Only, then once again, there was that episode when she knocked over a dinosaur skeleton at the museum, and just a few episodes dorsum at that place was a whole storyline about her obsession with the size of her anxiety, then peradventure information technology's just par for the course by this betoken. This might exist the ultimate writers room "fuck it" of the entire series, but it's hard to say.
Michelle seems perturbed by the sheer quantity of people who live in the total house and then her sisters decide to bear witness her around the identify. They take her to her room, where they clarify who all of the people that live in the house are. Michelle asks how many bathrooms at that place are in the firm and DJ tells her, "Non plenty." It seems like Michelle'south amnesia is a weak attempt for the show to express some self-sensation and provide a trivial tongue-in-cheek meta-commentary in its final moments. Past non remembering anything, Michelle is coming into the total house every bit a sort of outsider who is seeing everything for the first time, and so she'southward pointing out how strange certain elements of the show are. This could have actually been a really great way to wrap up the series if the creators had utilized any substantial self-awareness, but Michelle'south observations are pretty tame. She's not like, "why are y'all guys such pushy, entitled pieces of shit? And why am I such a despicable asshole? And what the fuck is wrong with Joey? Seriously, why does that guy even alive here???" she just makes similar calorie-free jabs at some of the series' conventions, like how all of the Mr. Woodchuck jokes are forest puns, or all the hugging that goes on in the full house. Similar with and then many of Total House's attempted efforts that don't quite work, I'm having trouble deciding if it's better than zippo.
The dads all perform the teddy deport vocal that they used to sing to Michelle when she was a baby and the audition loses their fucking minds. The operation does nothing to jog Michelle'due south retentivity and then she asks where her moms is at. Gentle music comes on as Danny explains that her mom died horribly in a violent automobile crash 8 years ago, so her corpse has got to be pretty rotten and chewed up by now, especially since it was already all twisted and broken when they put her in the ground. But that's non even the fucked up part. Her mom was replaced by her greasy, do-nothing uncle and some stunted weirdo, neither of whom are remotely qualified to take care of her or her sisters. That's been the basis of her whole life as we know information technology, and information technology'southward nothing sort of a goddamn tragedy.
Michelle realizes that even if she does get her memory dorsum at the end of this episode, she wont remember her mom, which makes her hella sorry. The dads allow her know that they'll tell her annihilation that she wants to find out well-nigh her mom and Michelle asks if she was pretty, which is all that she cares about because of what a shallow, awful person she is. The uncles assure her that, yes, her mom was pretty, and Joey gives this creepy nod that conspicuously says, "I used to beat off to her all the fourth dimension. As a affair of fact, I nevertheless exercise."
Michelle continues to feel upset and I kept getting distracted by the way that Danny is petting her finger in the corner of the screen. Information technology's actually unsettling.
Michelle gets all frustrated well-nigh having amnesia so she lays in Stephanie's bed and pouts while the sad music reaches a crescendo. Stephanie almost points out that she's in the wrong bed simply Becky stops her and it's really unclear whether it'southward supposed to be a moment of levity or not.
The twins wake Michelle up and when she asks what they want, one of them says, "dyuyu…benumber nonetheless?" and Michelle tells them that fifty-fifty if she wasn't suffering from the afterward-effects of a caput injury she all the same wouldn't be able to tell what the fuck they were proverb.
Stephanie goes over to Michelle and tells her that she feels bad nearly the statement that they had last episode. She apologizes for getting mad at Michelle for disrespecting her privacy and humiliating her in front of a guy that she likes and tells her that her shitty, invasive behavior was actually beneficial in the end.
As Michelle tries to heed her own business organization in the kitchen, Jesse calls her over and makes her sit down on his lap while he talks about what a special relationship they accept. Earlier he can score some unsettling kisses on the mouth like he usually does, she gets up and walks away, which Jesse finds quite troubling.
Joey takes Jesse aside and tells him that they need to talk nigh their tv audition considering his heart's just non in it. Jesse agrees and says that, since Michelle'southward blow, he's been really rethinking his priorities. They both concur that family unit is about important, which is kind of a way of them saying that they're permanently dedicated to being shiftless do-nothings who mooch off of Danny. That's pretty much the terminal give-and-take on these guys. This substitution is an assurance that they'll be living in that house forever, never advancing in any significant way or attempting to motility out. There'south even a moment where Jesse says that he's certain that Joey will have kids of his own one day, which seems to suggest that, should that horrifying upshot always occur, Joey will still be livin' it up in the full business firm with his unfortunate helpmate and hideous offspring.
Danny and Becky endeavour to persuade DJ to go the prom at the final minute but she's hesitant because of Michelle's condition. Michelle comes in and convinces DJ that she'due south not doing anyone any skillful by missing the prom but then DJ says that it'due south probably too tardily to become, which makes a lot of sense because you lot have to buy an expensive ticket and a bunch of other pricey shit to go to the prom. Information technology'due south non exactly a thing that you decide to attend a few hours ahead of time. Regardless, Becky says that she'south a whiz at speed shopping and whisks DJ off.
Danny sits Michelle down and shows her a photograph anthology to try to help bring her retention back and for a minute it's almost similar a clips show but with nevertheless images. Somewhen Michelle gets frustrated and is all, "fuck this shit" and then she goes upstairs to rest.
What's worse than ane Olsen twin? Both Olsen twins! As an excuse to get them both onscreen at the same time, one of them appears before the other i as "Michelle's memory."
Michelle'southward similar, "damn, bitch, where you been?" and her memory's like, "sorry, I cut out for a infinitesimal when yous brutal off that horse. My bad." Her memory says that they have to hug to rejoin but information technology would have been way libation if Michelle had to devour her. Oh well, at least we get to see some really shit overlay effects when they merge.
As DJ comes downstairs to model her prom dress for the family, Danny walks in front end of her, taking pictures and saying stuff like, "come up on, baby. Come to poppa. Work the camera." That's not sardonic paraphrasing, that's what he says, verbatim. Information technology's really disturbing.
Michelle comes downstairs and jumps at one last opportunity to all of the attention that someone else is getting by alluding to the fact that her memory has returned. Stephanie is the commencement i to realize that she's recovered and picks her upwards and swings her effectually out of joy and there's a really weird moment where Michelle sounds all pissed off while yelling, "put me down!" Why is that in there? Everyone quizzes Michelle to verify that her retention has returned and so when they're sure that it has, gentle music comes on and anybody rejoices.
Kimmie Gibbler shows up and models her final amazing outfit, a prom dress with alternating lights.
Kimmie Gibbler calls in DJ'southward date and, oh shit! it's Steve!
Wow, Steve's dorsum! And on prom nighttime, besides! I estimate this show really is going to have a climactic conclusion, considering who doesn't fuck on prom night? Well, at least it will be climactic for Steve, and later on nigh 30 seconds, too. That's what happens when you lot brand a guy wait 3 years.
Aw, who am I kidding? There's no way that guy's getting laid. Anticlimactic as ever, Full Firm.
Steve asks how Michelle is doing, because even his unexpected return during the final scene of the whole series comes second to whatever's going on with her, and then the music comes on every bit acquires about her recently concluded condition. Jesse explains how scary information technology was for anybody and how worried they were but that they stuck it out and persevered, and and so Danny picks her up and says that they'll always be a corny family of obnoxious assholes that manages to overcome every obstacle in 22 minutes, until the end of muthafuckin' time.
That's it. I'm washed. I reviewed every episode of Total House in chronological order. At that place are no more. I did it.
So what now? Some announcements!
If you'd like to gloat this achievement, I idea it would be really amazing if everyone would donate $1 (there's a button up superlative) as a commencement of this projection reaching its determination. If yous've been reading this site for any amount of time and feel as though you got $one's worth of amusement out of information technology, at present's the time to show it. I thing I've learned as an internet blogger guy is that people seem to get really bent out of shape if you inquire for donations or help with paying for web hosting and stuff, and so if you're one of those people, only don't give me a dollar. It's not that big a bargain. The project'south done so it's not like anything will happen if y'all don't contribute. But i affair I really feel like I failed at with this project is figuring out how to monetize it, so this is my last little effort to change that. I'm not exactly a starving artist merely, truthfully, given how much traffic this site gets, if everyone who reads this post contributed $i it would have really make this entire projection turn out to be a pretty decent paying gig. Likewise, feel complimentary to contribute more than $i to brand up for all the people who wont cough one up!
So what's next? There volition be the final FHR wrap-upwards party at the Waypost in Portland, OR adjacent Fri. RSVP for that shit! It should exist a real good time. Adjacent week I'll post Flavor 8 Reviewed, and then throughout the following week I'1000 planning on posting a bunch of bonus content, perchance one thing each day. The Friday after that I'm going to post a terminal write-upwards, which is a sort of retrospective expect dorsum at this whole matter, and that'll be the terminate of it.
I'g gonna miss yous guys! Just even though this site's done, I wont be leaving you. Hither's the link to the Tumblr site where nosotros'll be posting Saved Past the Bell Reviewed. It'south going to exist a regular podcast by me, the guys at the Gentlemen of Leisure site and Portland cartoonist Carolyn Chief. Nosotros're besides going to have regular guests, so more on that soon. The details are still meeting simply I think it'll be a weekly matter. It's not going to start for a while considering I really demand a break from pop-culture reviews just I'd suggest following the tumblr site now to stay posted. I'd wager that the podcasts will start popping upwardly around March. (P.S. I just spent a shitload of time getting the header washed but then Tumblr fucked upward and I'k too tired to figure out why. It'll look presentable soon…)
Oh yeah likewise someone requested on Facebook that I do a casual AMA on Reddit and so here it is. I guess I'll maintain it throughout the week? I owe Reddit a lot for all the readers I've gotten through them! Reddit 4EVA!!!
I've always been pretty set on staying anonymous as the author of this site, for several reasons. The master i, I call back, is that I thought it was more fun and engaging if the author existed entirely as a reviewer of Full Business firm, with no exterior presence or influence. Equally long as we concur that Full House is a crappy show, there's not much difference for u.s. to find with one another, and I tin can exist whoever you imagine me to be outside of that. I was also scared of getting trolled, which did happen, but really much less than I thought information technology would. But at least people couldn't really assail me personally, because they didn't know who they were trolling.
I started this project as a fun thing to do on the side after my career started to piece of work out and I never really planned on trying to use 1 thing to promote the other. Nonetheless, years later, I've accidentally accumulated an audition on here that completely dwarfs my presence every bit a working professional guy, so I thought I'd at to the lowest degree give you guys a chance to bank check out what I practise in existent life. So here's my website, if yous're interested. The chief thing I'm planning on doing with the spare time that'll be freed up by not doing these goofy donkey reviews every week is posting more content on my tumblr site. You can as well follow me on twitter. I don't really use twitter very much but I probably volition if I get a bunch of followers all of a sudden. In my line of piece of work you're supposed to use social media all the damn fourth dimension and I've totally failed at that over the by few years because I've been maxing out all my waste matter-your-time-on-the-internet hours on this projection, but that'southward all over at present.
And now it'south Thursday nighttime at a footling later 1 AM and I'g getting ready to post this entry after proof-reading it one last time, just like I've done every week for virtually 4 years, and I take to admit that I'm feeling kind of emotional. So much has changed in my life during these years but this has project been a constant, and I think I may be only beginning to realize how much it meant to me. Cheers then much to all of your for beingness there to experience it with me. I tin can't recollect of a stranger way to bring a bunch of people together than shitting on a crappy tv testify, but I think that information technology was actually pretty constructive. All of you are a role of my life. Give thanks you.
Your pal,
The Creative person Formerly Known every bit Billy Superstar
Source: https://therealfullhousereviewed.wordpress.com/2014/01/17/season-8-episode-24-michelle-rides-again-part-2/
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